Tuesday, August 30, 2005

7 Idiosynchrosies Peculiar to me

A Tag stolen off Dirty Blonde's Page cuz I couldnt think of squat to write today. So lets see, 7 reasons why Im a freak...

1. The phrase "Think outside the box" makes me cringe. I have never heard such an overused piece of bullshit. If you need to be told to not think conventionally, you probably should not be thinking at all.
2. Sometimes Ill pretend its Thanksgiving in the middle of the year. What can I say, sometimes you get a taste for Turkey and gravy, and cranberries, and stuffing, and yams, and potato salad, and greenbean salad, and all those goodies when its NOT November.
3.I like some bugs and hate others. It makes no sense. I like lightning bugs and bees but I hate wasps and other things. I think its a cute factor or a usefullness factor. Lightning bugs are cool looking and bees make honey, while wasps are just obnoxious.
4. I am currently holed up in my house and not wanting to go outside because my best friend from high school's aunt just went comotose due to West Nile virus. Being outside aint worth dying for.
5.I sometimes dip my pizza crust in ranch dressing.(dont knock it till ya tried it)
6.I cant have clocks that tick in my home. I know the seconds of my life are ticking away, I dont have to HEAR them.
7.Sometimes I act like an immiture idiot and I dont feel I owe any explanation to anyone for this. Everyone has fun in their own way.

I didnt officially get tagged with this so I suppose I wont tag anyone else either =P

Yet another test

Take the quiz: "What does your dream guy look like? PICTURES"

Innocent Guy
You love the little virgin of a man who respects you and himself

Well I must admit this one had me laughing. What are the chances of a 31 year old finding a virgin??? These days Id have to date, what, a 12 yr old? Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Monday, August 29, 2005

School Days....YES!!!


First off, thanks to everyone for being so sweet on my last post =D

My oldest son started Kindergarten TODAY. Can you guys see me dancing thru your monitors? Honestly, I was bummed for 5 min cuz hes my little helper and also because I felt like an old hag. It doesnt seem I should be old enough to have a child in kindergarten. But hey, there are so many more good points than bad points!!! This time next week when my middle son starts preschool, I may get a whopping HOUR to myself while my youngest takes a nap! Any mom can tell you, thats priceless =D


Blog update-Ill shortly be getting rid of my tagboard and replacing it with one from somewhere else. The damn thing is causing POP UPS, ugh! I vowed never to put any of that ad shit on my blog and now Im getting the crap anyway =( Sorry if anyone has been bugged by this, it will be gone shortly =D
ALSO- Im going to be updating my link list!!! If you have been here more than once, chances are youll be on it. If anyone has a mini-button you want me to use like the ones Cassies world, Bobbed, and Seasons use, please let me know so I can get them uploaded to my pic server and put up with your link.(Or if you want me to attempt to make you one although Im not great at it yet) Thankies =D

Friday, August 26, 2005

Dont say it cant happen to you

Ok, well I think ths is the first time I have really written about this, so bear with me. My daughter Kaitlyn was born in 1998. I was a week overdue and itching to get rid of the extra weight that was giving me sciatica, morning sickness(although it had nothing to do with morning), and the backaches that accompany pregnancy. The pregnancy was a rough one. I remember days when I just grabbed a book and a blanket and camped out in bed with a very large bucket next to me. There was NOTHING in "What to Expect When Youre Expecting" to cover this crap. The only solace I had was my mom telling me the exact same thing happened to her when she was pregnant with me, and I came out just fine. Yes, debatable I know.
I was scheduled to go in for induction (inducement of labor through IV) at 7 am in the morning. My hospital was closer to my moms than my own home so my husband and I spent the night there. I was awakened by sharp pains at about 10pm. YES, I thought, labor is starting on its own. I grabbed a watch and started timing contractions, they were about 20 min apart. Bummer, nothing good happening. This continued on through the night, just enough so I got no sleep.
My dad drove us to the hospital in the morning. I got hooked up to numerous machines and they started my IV. I was goofy since I had not had any sleep at all and within the next day I was going to be a parent. My husband held my hand as we stared at the blips on the baby hearbeat monitor, totally amazed. The pitocin drip started and I got my first "real" contractions. After 9 months of waiting, we were finally going to have a baby. Then it happened. Every contraction was accompanied by strange noises on the monitor and the slowing down of our babies heartbeat. My doctor looked at me strangely for a moment and then told the nurse to prep for surgery. Just like that, everything I had ever seen in every movie, everything I read about was out the window.
The anesthesiologist arrived about 5 minutes later and inserted an incredibly long needle into my spine. I neglected to tell her that I have a small case of scoliosis (nothing could have been further from my mind at the moment). She put the needle in straight as I assume they are supposed to do. In that moment I got a whole new view on what a marionette must feel like. My legs jumped incontrollably depending on how she manuvered the needle. She found the right spot (after 10 minutes of pure hell) and within a minute I was numb from the boobs down. There was a large curtain placed between me and my stomach so I wouldnt have to watch the horror show and they slapped a bunch of iodine on my belly and began to cut. Now let me explain something if you have never had a local anesthetic. You are numb to pain and only pain, everything else you can still feel. When they were cutting me with the scalpel I started giggling like mad because all I could picture was a turkey being carved at thanksgiving. The quick rapid strokes reminded me of nothing else. My husband was looking at me like I had lost my mind at this point. Then I heard the splat and the strange suction noises of them pulling my intestines out of the way. This noise was too much for hubby's curiosity and he did what he was specifically instructed NOT to do. He looked. He peeked around that curtain and saw his wife being, for all practical purposes, gutted like a fish. Up to this point in the whole deal, I was pretty much ok with everything that was happening to me. My mom had a c-section with my sister and everything was just fine, so I was scared but knew deep down everything would be ok. That is, until he LOOKED. Let me just say this, when the love of your life (someone who has always been the epitome of MANLINESS) turns ghost white, starts crying, and tells you how much he loves you, it can be a bit jarring at times like these. Before I could give that a second thought, I had my tiny little Thai doctor, that must have weighed a whole 90 pounds, say "ok, little bit of pressure now" as she basically jumped up and down on my chest. "Shes out" the doctor said, but I heard no babies cry. I saw them take what looked like a gray lump over to a table and heard some type of suction being used. They worked feverishly over her for about a minute, then I heard it, a loud cry, so loud and bitchy sounding that it could only be MY daughter. My husband stopped being so concerned with me and asked if I was *ok* enough that he could accompany her. I told him I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now I get dumped off in a room by myself. Im not sure if any of you have had a c section and had this irrational fear as well, but I kinda went a little bonkers. I could not move, get up, nothing. I kept thinking that any second some weirdo serial amputater was going to come in and hack my legs off or some junk. I know it sounds stupid now, but the fear was very real at the time. This went on for a good half hour before they brought my daughter back in to me for a try at breastfeeding. She latched on first try, whooohooo! I did something right dammit! The doctor then came in to talk to me and told me the reason for my babys heartbeat issues as they werent sure up to the point they pulled her out what was causing it. Her umbillacal cord had been wrapped around her arm, in the crook of her elbow. Everytime she would tense up with a contraction, she would cut off her oxygen and blood supply. Other than that one little mishap, she was a perfectly normal and healthy little girl. Those words brought forth an avalance crash of tears and emotion I cannot even explain. My daughter was going to be alright.
Fast forward to 2 and a half months later. My husband and I are no longer a happy couple, we are a happy family. At dinner time we no longer talk about work issues, we discuss how smart our baby is and all her incredible adventures of the day. Every smile, giggle, and dirty diaper is catalogued into our brains. I remember statements like "Thank god the green tar poop has ended" and "Oh my god, we were worried about boys shooting pee but shes a damn fountain".
Any pregnant woman will tell you, the have entertained their worst fears during pregnancy and after. Youre always worried that your baby will come out with cleft pallate, downs syndrome, sickle cell anemia, spina bifida, etc. After they are born youre worried that they may have autism or a learning disorder of some sort, or that they will die in their sleep due to SIDS. I had read up on SIDS a bunch, also known as crib-death and probably by a number of other names. Unfortunately, the information out there was somewhat bleak. I read stories about women who left their babies alone for hours at a time. I read stories about alcoholics and drug addicts that went right back to their addictions after having their babies. What I did not read about, was normal happy families like mine.
Kaitlyn Genevive never slept in her crib. She hated it in fact. She could care less about all the time spent wall papering her room and her nursery and the fine linnens that adorned her crib. She loved her mom and dad and wanted to be with them =) I repeatdely asked the pediatricians and my OB about letting her sleep with me. Their response was the same, "In other countries this is the norm. No one has ever in fact rolled over on their baby or suffocated them. Although you may find stories here and there, they are not true, these are cases of SIDS." Well my husband and I still cant *do the naughty* as per doctors instructions and since Im breast feeding its easier for her to sleep with us anyway. I revel in her movements and actions while my husband is at work, and feel bad that hes missing all this. She is so like me in so many ways. Her hands and feet are always cold, just like mine...
My husband grabs my arm and shakes me, "shes cold". I say yeah shes just like her momma. He shakes me again and repeats himself, "SHES COLD." I still didnt think much of this as her limbs were always cold just like mine. I thought, at this point, my hubby was too lazy to get an extra blanket which she didnt need anyway. "OH MY GOD" woke me up in an instant. "NO" had me looking at her face. My husband threw me the phone and immediately began performing CPR. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, hard. I pushed buttons on the phone, but none of them dialed to anything that I know of. I dropped the phone. My husband grabbed it from me and called 911. I went to slam my head against a wall to wake myself up from this fucked up nightmare, an awakening which never came. Paramedics and firemen rushing into the building, I let them in. They pull my husband ofvf of her, and do nothing.
In come the Pigs. (sorry if you dont like the reference but I have dealt with many police officers in my time, thats another post in itself). So now I am calmed down from my screaming and my panic attack by a very nice detective. Hes asking me if I loved my daughter, if my husband loved my daughter, if we were under stress, what happened last night, did we fight, etc. Out of desperation, I start thinking that they want to press charges, and they dont usually bother in Chi town unless someone is alive. I turn what hes saying into my daughter is just brain damaged but alive. The nice detective gives me a ride to the hospital. On the way we pass a bunch of kids that have opened a fire hydrant and are playing in it. I start to cry thinking my vegetable daughter will never enjoy these things.
Upon reaching the hospital, they guide me through screaming and crying people to my husband. I ask him how Kaitly is, I think he tried to answer me but it only came out as a choked grunt. Then some nurse comes in and tells me I need to speak with the chaplin. I am guided into a purposefully dark room and sat on a couch that has seen way too many butts before mine. The chaplain says, "God works in mysterious ways, some times we cant understand." This translates to me as..............
YOUR DAUGHTER IS STILL ALIVE. Im thinking shes brain damaged and a vegetable. In that moment I vow to read to her everyday, brush her hair, and anything else a mom would do.
"Would you like to see her?" the chaplain says.
It was then then that it hit. I nodded my head as I could not form a word. I was led into a closet sized room with my dead daughter laying on a table. I nearly collapsed, but I didnt. I strode forward and picked up my daughter. She had on her onsie I had put on her the night before. She was in her usual sleeping position, one arm tucked under, the other straight out. When I pulled her closer to me is when it truly hit. Her little body didnt conform to mine as it usually had. She was stiff, she was cold, she was gray. Mind you none of this stopped me from trying to leave the hospital with her. She was MY daughter, and I was not leaving her there. Of course the husband and security stopped me. The next place I headed was home.
I pulled open the top drawer of my husbands dresser. My nostrils filled with the cigar smell of the box of "its a girl" cigars he had not yet handed out. My hands found the coldness of the gun that I had fired a million times at the range. I fired it for "family security." We lived in Chicago and not one of the best neighborhoods. I had never planned to use this gun on myself. Yet here it was, not wanting to breathe another breath and the gun in my hand. I put it to my temple as I had heard of ho9rror stories on putting it in the mouth and winding up half veggie. CLICK! I know I pulled it back, CLICK. On some miraculous foresight, my husband had emptied the clip
Im glad Im alive and Im glad for my 3 wonderful sons. I just wish that my daughter could be here too. She should be here. I love you Kaitlyn, with all my heart!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

My History of sorts(just cuz no_Puzzy asked =P)

A bit of history....
I started writing this blog as a way to vent and now I realize that some people may be reading my posts and scratching their heads. So here is a little history on my ex that is just out of prison, my about to be ex hubby, and the guy I am dating now.
My husband Adam(soon to be ex) and I have known each other since my senior year of high school. We parted ways when school was over and he went into the Marine Corps and got married to this little hussy that went to the same high school(ended in divorce 6 mos later). I went on with my life and didnt hear from him for some time. I didnt talk to him again until around 1996. We went out a few times and it was like high school all over again. We fell madly in love and moved in together. In 1997 I got pregnant and in March of 1988 our daughter Kaitlyn was born. Kaitlyn only lived 2 and a half months. (Thats a whole other subject and post so I wont get into that topic now). After she died, I thought for sure Adam and I were going to fall apart. I dont want to say that he got over it a lot quicker than I did, but he had different coping methods. I used to hate him for doing the simplest of things like eating a meal or watching a movie. I didnt understand how he could get his mind off of our daughter long enough to do either. We were both suffering in our own ways and grew distant.
We did the only thing we knew how to do or that made any sense at that point. We ran away. I could not stand to be in the home with my daughters nursery and all the things we had bought that she would never use. He could not deal with the constant questions from co-workers and family. ( Mind you Im sure that all of these people meant well.) We changed states and got new jobs and buried ourselves in work. I was working 15-17 hour days and so was he. We kept trying to get pregnant again. We knew that it would not replace our daughter, but going from being a parent to not being one is a harsh transition. Its the only thing that felt right at the time. We did eventually get pregnant and it was at that point he said, "look, you know were staying together, so why not just get married?" I said yes and before my 1st son was born we flew to Vegas and got married. And no it wasnt an elvis chapel =P
2 kids and a few years later, he is still working his same work schedule and virtually never home. The years just brought us further and further apart. Hed come home from work, flop on the couch and turn on the TV. Now Im not saying this is not normal behavior for a guy. Im just saying its not appropriate when you have been gone 13 or 14 hours and your kids havent seen you at all. He didnt want to talk, he didnt want to play with his kids, he just wanted to watch TV. A couple years of that was all it took me to start screwing around. Im not sure exactly when he started doing it too. I know he screwed my babysitter on my couch. Our babysitter was dating this guy Clay at the time. Clay and I ended up talking more and more and I eventually started dating him.
Clay was out on parole so we couldnt exactly do the typical dating thing. He had curfews and couldnt go to bars etc. Since Im at the least a weekend drinker, that sucked. We started hanging out at his apartment a lot and dummy me used to bring a 6 or 12 pk over, depending on if it was the weekend or not. Well talk about fucking luck, his PO drops by and finds the beer in the fridge which is of course a parole violation. So he gets sent back on a TPV(technical parole violation) for the beer. These are usually only something like 90 days or so long, so we werent too worried about it. Then when the parole meeting came up, the board determined that he "obviously wasnt interested in following the rules of parole" and stuck him in there for another year. UGH. Well I was willing to wait 90 days, even 6 months, but I told him there was no way I could wait another year. If this seems cold to you, we had only been seeing each other for a few months. Yes I really did like him, but that is a LOOONG time to wait for someone.
To keep my mind off of all the crap that was going on at home, I started playing this online game that I had played a few years back. Its addictive and a lot of fun so that did the trick for a while. Then I met this character named Tums(Shoin). We started talking a lot and eventually I really started liking him. THEN I find out hes 18, EEK. We talked on the phone several times and even though hes 18 Im willing to give it a shot. The rest is kinda history. Shoin and I have been together ever since, close to 8 months now. We have only got together in person twice tho thanks to the damn US customs department. Theres a post about that somewhere around here.
Now, if you read about the SKANK that was living here, I also met her on the same game I met Shoin on. Just goes to show there are some very good people out there online and also some total ASSHOLES! She moved in, I dont know, June of this year I think. She was a total user, didnt want to work, didnt want to help around the house or pick up after herself. The only thing productive she did her was blow and fuck my soon to be ex. THIS is where it gets sticky. I have had a million people tell me I shouldnt care because he and I are not together anymore. Well to them I say, YES I should care because they were both living in my house and doing some of this crap in front of my kids. (I have pics of them wrapped around each other on my couch a foot away from my kid)
(Oh and no Im not some weirdo voyeur or something they fell asleep there and I was thinking...wont these look nice in divorce/custody court.)
Still, it comes down to this..
FRIENDS should not go for ex boyfriends or ex husbands.
Ex BOYFRINEDS should not go for friends.
As far as I am concerned, they were both totally out of line and disrespectful. I have to keep things civil with my ex because of the kids and he and I are working on repairing our friendship. But I dont owe that hussy squat and Im glad shes moved on to spreading her skanky ass lies to another state =P
_To everyone that already knew all this crap, sorry for boring you, it just needed to be said_

Been CRAZY Busy

Just wanted to apologize for not reading everyone's blogs as much as usual. My kids go back to school next week and I have been doing a lot of last minute school clothes and supply shopping. Not to mention trying to get back on a normal schedule so I can get them on the bus on time. Im not a fantastic sleeper anyway, so trying to go back to going to sleep at around midnight when youre used to staying up till 3 is hard.
My ex is also getting out of prison TODAY and Im trying to keep the phone freed up more as Im sure he will be calling me. The US prison system is so screwey its not even funny. As of this morning, he still didnt know exactly where he was being released to. Its one of 3 different cities. How can they not know where youre going on the DAY youre getting released? I thought maybe he had just not recieved the final say yet and called his "release coordinator" this morning. Nope, she was still clueless. Im kind of a nervous wreck. One of the 3 towns he could be going to is mine. I havent seen him in a little over a year and we couldnt really talk on the phone much due to the $17 per call rate. I hope to see him soon so I can at least get his stuff back to him =)
I hope to be back in the *writing* swing of things again soon.
<3Cassie Im glad youre back, I missed ya<3

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

"Never Again" she says....

Ok, Im sure Im not alone here. I cant be the only one who can chalk up the times that they have said, "never again". The question is, after saying it, why do you go back and do it all over again. For me "never again" has always been associated with drinking. But I have friends that associate it with other things. Indulgence in any one thing will make you sorry the next day. Wether its vodka, microdots, or twinkies.
So what is it in the human mindset that overrides all common sense and better judgement? Is it the need to shed yourself of self esteem issues? A cure for boredom? The need to forget about things for a bit? You already know BEFORE you start how its all going to end. I think its a double whammy for those of us who are older too. We have convinced ourselves that we know our limits and are older and wiser, which is pretty much bullshit. Inevitably our friends from work/friends from high school/etc say to us, "Aw come on, just stay for one more." At this point all our *knowing our limits* gets thrown out the window. Im not saying it happens everytime, but it does happen.
I have heard that if a dog gets into beer and gets drunk or eats a bunch of marajuana and gets stoned, it will never go near the stuff again. I have also read that dogs dont have that much of what we call *long term memory*. Even so, if it made the dog sick once, it triggers something in its brain that will make it not go near the stuff again! Humans should be so lucky eh?
So this morning, when I rolled off the couch feeling like a choo choo train had rolled over my head, I uttered those words, "never again". Even as they came out of my mouth I knew they were bullshit. Then I had to go to my sons school to register him. I dont know if any one remembers the smell of grade school. They all have that "smell". Combined pencil shavings, printer ink, urine, and cafeteria food- at least I think thats the mix. Of course this makes my stomach lurch and I re-adjust my sunglasses so these happy scrappy teachers and soccer moms cant see my huge bags and dark circles. While Im signing some papers I think, "this time I mean it".
We shall see what happens. Ill be sure to post a follow up. I give myself 2 weeks to a month before I come back and post that I forgot all my oaths of "Never again".

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Big Hair and Acid Washed Jeans

*Since I hate putting music on blogs cuz it takes forever for people with
dial up to load the page....Just hum your favorite tune from Pretty
in Pink or the Breakfast Club while you read =P*

Ok, well here goes, as promised. Say hello to Mr Flock of Seagulls! ROFL! I was actually thinking about blurring out his face or something, but thinking back, he was the kind of guy who could laugh at himself. Now sice I had to make fun of him, I also have to pick on myself as well


Say hello to by HUGE FREAKING HAIR!!! The pic that Im wearing black and white in was at some family christmas function. Note the lovely BROWN carpet and BROWN couch. The absolute proof that just because brown matches everything, doesnt necessarily mean you should build a room around it. The pic in the green dress was for some homecomming or prom event. Whats funny is that all that time we were working SO hard on the front of our hair, we never thought twice about the back. Im sure once we turned around, we all looked like we had peacocks asses on our heads!
Now check this other ex of mine. I think it was freshman year at high school. Had to include this pic to show off his lovely acid washed jeans. Better yet I think my whole reason for dating the guy is that he worked at a roller rink. I could get in free on fridays and saturdays and you can bet I used to go faithfully every weekend. Probably sporting my own acid washed jeans complete with zippers and bows on the back of the ankles and maybe a hypercolor or forenza t-shirt. Or maybe some Z-Cavarici's, but even then those big ass things looked kinda dumb with rollerskates.
Hmmn, now let see what else did I own back then that I thought was ever so impressive? Oh, My Swatch watch of course. I think they actually still make these but undoubtedly they are no longer a mix of neon colors that wouldnt even look attractive on a neon bar sign. And no Swatch was complete without the obligatory Swatch guard. You know that little rubber thing that went over the face of the watch. In other words, the colored rubber band you just paid $6 for. You were oh so cool if you bought 2 and twisted them together making it impossible to actually see what time it was.
How about those fabulous Hypercolor T-shirts. The ones where you could walk up to someone and leave a nice handprint on them with your body heat? Those were kinda cool in the fact that on guys they looked kind of Tie-dyed. Unfortunately for girls that had ANY breasts whatsoever,we were forced to walk around with 2 big different colored circles on our chest because the shirts changed color according to body heat. Well of course our boobs were pressing on the front of the things.
Honorable mentions....I had a neon plastic pink see thru purse that you basically couldnt hold anything in. I had these goofy ankle high suede boots that didnt keep my feet warm. I went thru at least one bottle of Paul Mitchell Freeze and Shine spray a week. Oooh and I had a denim jacket (acid washed of course) with about a billion buttons on it. Witty things like, "No MBA, No BMW, No SEX". Im not sure I even knew what the hell an MBA was at the time. I went thru a tiny Madonna phase too, lace gloves and black rubber braclets. Shoot, I think there was a name for those rubber bracelets, but I forget it now. If you remember, let me know. (Had to come back and edit cuz I just remembered the name-JELLY Bracelets!! And also there were plastic neon shoes called Jellys too)
At least I saved a little face towards the end of the 80's and turned into a *waver* chick. Not sure where the pictures of that are. I know I only have a couple because my parents avoided taking pictures of me as they werent big fans of my white skin, red lips, black eyeliner and everything else look.
Anyway, Im sure there are a thousand other things I could mention, but Im sure reading this you must remember at least one or two things from back then. For you youngins reading this and laughing, just wait till you have been out of high school about 15 years and look back =D

Monday, August 22, 2005

Am I a "Poser"?

Got in a discussion with my hunny last night and an interesting little topic came up. I called someone a total poser and he laughed and said "yeah but you are a little too." HUH? Ok, if youre unfamiliar with the term or havent heard it in a while, here are a couple definitions I looked up...
Dictionary.com
n 1: a person who habitually pretends to be something he is not

Urban Dictionary.com
A person who attempts to blend into a specific social group.

A poser is someone who tries hard to be something they arent. Usually, posers call other people posers because they are jealous that the person they called a poser is more skater/stoner/goth/punk/rocker/grunge/etc. than they will ever be.

I dont think that I fit into those catagories at all. I suppose I do dress a certain way but its mainly for comfort and the way it looks on me, not to fit in with someone elses ideals. I do own a couple things from Hot Topic stores which predominately serves the goth community. I love their huge big black flair pants because they have these ties on the sides so if you want them tighter on your legs you can tie em up. They are a high thread count cotton and nice and warm in the fall too. To be honest they remind me of ninja pants I used to see in old Kung Fu movies. Admittedly, I dont wear them as much as I would like to because Im afraid people will think Im weird. Honestly I have never seen a pair of these pants on anyone over 19yrs of age and Im 31. Yeesh, just saying that makes me cringe. But I also own clothes from Gap, Walmart, and about a zillion other stores. So am I a poser because I wore the Hot Topic pants a few times or a poser because Im afraid to wear them more often?

As far as mindset goes, I really dont think I fall into the catagory. I read, speak, listen to whatever I want. I dont really care when my friends look at me like Im nuts because I say I think the new song, movie, *fill in the blank* is crap even though everyone else is raving about it. I dont know, I like a lot of stuff and see no reason to be bound to only one catagory as far as anything is concerned.

The one thing I do that may be concidered "posing" is I will NOT trash other people's beliefs even if they are not my own. If I go to someones house for dinner and they say grace before the meal, I bow my head and be quiet. If a vegan friend is coming over, Im not going to start slicing up meat in front of them. Geez, I must be hungry, all my examples have to do with food =P Anyway, Im sure you get the point. Im going to make my hunny read this in the morning and post why he suggested that I was one. He was tired and didnt give me a very good explination.^My accuser and I on his last
visit to the states.
(LOL you know I still love you Shoin)

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Updates, Oddities, and a Couple Questions

Updates-(Just a few notes on the ex-roomie freak)
Her Grandmother called here a few days ago looking for her and asking if I had her new number. She asked me what happened. No matter how much this girl is a sleaze ball I cannot bring myself to tell her GRANDMOTHER that shes a complete slut. So I paused a minute thinking of what to say. Before I can utter a single word she asks "Was she bad?" This indicates to me that the girl has had issues in the past with moving in with people. So I just said frankly, "well she slept with my husband and that really wasnt working for me." Then I gave her my sister's number. Then I hear her mom chime in the background. She doesnt sound like a crack head at all to me. Then it occours to me that she also sent this girl money on her birthday with a card, which really doesnt sound like crack head behavior also. Mind you the whole reason this girl had to come stay with me for a bit was that her mom was such a crack head and had also stolen the money I originally sent her for the bus ticket ($200). And YES, apparently I do have sucker tattooed on my forhead for those of you who are wondering....
I posted some of these fun facts on her live journal (the one I had linked to on my sidebar) and lo and behold, she deleted her whole journal to get rid of my comment. I can only assume its so she can perpetuate her entire bullshit story to others.
So just when you thought it couldnt get any better....I find out she told my sister that I at some point GROPED her. First off, the girl was ok looking, but not some supermodel. Second, yes I was a bi like ages ago, chalk it up to experimentation or whatever. Thirdly, even if I was still attracted to women, I have serious "no-skank" rules.
On top of all this I guess my sister thought she could get some pity out of my parents for her and then was TICKED OFF that they werent going to pay for 3 months rent for the skank. Why the hell would they? My sis and I are no longer talking at this point and Im a little ticked at my mom as well since she helped them leave before I woke up so I couldnt ask the ho about the money she owed me.
Oddities-Just a few things I suppose I should have noticed then that strike me as odd now...
The skank never used to eat during the day. Shed act like she wasnt hungry at all and that she ate like a bird. But come downstairs in the middle of the night and shed be eating like crazy. Why would anyone do that?
She used to consistantly tell me that guys would annoy her at the library or while she was out walking around and she hated it, yet would put on 3 inches of black eyeliner before she went out. Does that make sense?
When an occasional guy she claimed to not like would follow her home, shed come in and beg me to go on the porch and make excuses of why I needed her help with something so she could stop talking to them. Then when I did it shed stay out with them for another hour or so even though I gave her an excuse.
The last friend I had over that she claimed she couldnt stand, ended up making out with her in my frontroom. She thought I didnt see it. After 2 more days of complaining how much she didnt like him, she calls me while hes out looking for his friends number so she can see him???
Questions-
If any of you have any ideas on this bizarre behavior, let me know. Maybe it was HER that was the crackhead? Although I can say if she was, she never did it here. I had an ex a long time ago that did the stuff and I can smell it a mile away.
Anyone else gotten visitors from strange countries? I just noticed some of the countries popping up on my new counter at the bottom of the sidebar that keeps track. Wonder if they just come across it hitting the next blog--> button.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Downside



Well, I found the downside to the cheap camera. It has an internal light meter and if there is not enough light, it refuses to take the picture. So now Im trying to figure out a way to "trick" the thing, but the photos I took at night were really bad anyway. The kids wanted to have a little campfire in the back yard. A couple times I poured a little charcoal lighter on it to make the flames big enough to make it bright enough to take a pic. Anyway, guess Ill start saving for a better camera =)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

My New Camera


Well since my Olympus was stolen (no Im not going to start bitching about that again) I have really missed being able to take pics. However since Im totally broke, I thought Id try one of those cheap jobbies they carry at Office Max. This super duper high end camera cost me a whopping $20! Really the pictures kind of suck, but its all relative. For $20 and 2 AAA batteries, I suppose theyre really not all that bad. It seems I just have to find the right lighting as the thing doesnt appear to get along too well with the sunshine. Here's my first pics taken with it.

Really I think it would make a great kids first digital cam. It comes with software so you can also use it as a web cam. For its price, you also wouldnt have to cry if they lost it. Its made by Digital Concepts if anyones interested. It takes 32 pics at hi res (640X480) and 117 low res(320X240)

Im going to try going out later tonight or tomorrow night and see how it does in low light. Seriously, its not bad but its making me miss my old cam! =P

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What's on Your Desktop?


Saw this on a friend's MSN group and thought Id use it here. Interesting to see what things people have on your desktops.....well that and sometimes scary =P
Anyway, if you want to do the same on your own bloggy, just go to your desktop and hit your *print screen* button. Then go to any image program, paint will work, and paste. Just make sure if you use paint you dont let it save as a bitmap or it will be huge!!!
Here's mine. And no Carnelian, I wasnt lying on your blog test, I change my desktop everyday or else I get bored with it XD

WHAT Box???


Ok, I have to rant about this after flipping through TV channels a bit, which is something I rarely do. (I dont have cable so most stations barely come in). Anyway, I heard the dreaded phrase which is, I do believe, my new #1 pet peve saying. It immeadiately makes me do this cringe/roll my eyes combo move. Im sure you heard it before...

"Think Outside The Box"

UGH, how irritating. Im not sure even where this came from originally. Sounds like an Oprah or Dr. Phil-ism. Not to say I have anything against Oprah, I have enjoyed her show many times. Back to the point here, I just think its a stupid damn thing to say. I mean, once everyone is supposedly "thinking outside the box", wouldnt it be smarter to be the only one thinking "inside the box"? Not to mention I usually hear the phrase before someone does something totally idiotic. Some single mom with 4 or more kids decides to "think outside the box" and use her paycheck to get a makeover or some other dumb thing to make herself feel better instead of, oh say, buying groceries and paying her power bill! This phrase to me has begun to mean, throw common sense out the window, and no one will care or hold you accountable, because you were trying to "think outside the box". Yes I know what the phrase actually means. Its good to look at situations differently now and then. But what the phrase actually means, and how I see it being used, are two totally different things.
I had this T-shirt in High School that said Conform against Conformity. It was meant to be sarcastic. So many teenagers trying to find their individuality and not conform, that they ended up conforming to the non-conformists rules instead. Hmmn, not sure I worded that right. Anyway, hopefully you get my drift.
I guess what Im trying to say here is, be your OWN person. Don't worry about being "inside or outside" the box. This girl is going to SMASH the damn box!!! Life is too short to be worried about wether or not Im thinking inside or outside of some imaginary cube!!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Was Bored

Took another goofy test today.....




Room for change

I recently finished redoing my room and thought Id post a few pictures of it here. I have always wanted to do my room my own way, but the hubby was nagging me about it looking too girly. Now that I dont have to share and it is MY space, I figured Id do whatever the hell I damn well wanted to with it. And yeah, its WAY girly, lol. Its kind of scary though, it looks a bit like my room did when I was about 15. Am I taking my midlife crisis out on my living space?
Anyway, it didnt cost much as I dont have a lot of money at the moment. All I actually bought was a chair, new bedspread, and the paint. I made the canopy and all the other stuff myself. (Except the one pillow on my bed which my sister made for me).

Monday, August 15, 2005

Newest Addition to the Family



Here is the latest addition to my household. He's a 8 week old stray that I found in the local paper. Im pretty sure he'll be a much better roomate than my last one =D His name is Tummy-Kat. He was really skittish at first. The person who put the ad in the paper said his momma took up a vacancy in her garage and was a stray. She was in love with all the kittens but already had 3 cats in her small household. Sorry about the bad pic. I had to take it with my webcam as that is now the only digital camera I have. My Olympus "disappeared" when the roomate from hell was here =(

Serious Technical Difficulties

Ok, I swear this is the last time Ill be complaining about this (I hope). Im switching ISP's today even though I still have another month with AT&T. Its bad enough that I had to switch from DSL back to dial up to save money, but Im still connecting at 19KBS!!! I think I was connecting faster than that in....1996??? No joke! They insist that the problem is not on there end and perhaps it is my modem. We did have quite a thunderstorm a while back but Im thinking if that fried my modem it would just not work at all, not be connecting at slower speeds. Anyone know? Anyway, should have a new ISP tomorrow, wish me luck =D

Monday, August 08, 2005

Ding Dong, the Witch is GONE!!!!

Well, so sorry for not updating recently. My life has been a bit stressful as my sister was in from out of town and my internet was all screwey! But, it all ends on a good note......the lying witch, the one who slept with my hubby has finally gotten the hell out of my house. Everyone say it with me now..."YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
Unfortunately, she hung out with my very naieve sister a lot while she was visiting and convinced my sister to take her back to Illinois with her and loan her some money to get to her next "victim". I feel bad that my sis lost out on a bit of money. I feel even worse that my sister helped her plot to leave when I was asleep so I couldnt say HEY, where the hell is the $159 you still owe me, not to mention all the smokes and food I bought you while you were here??? But hey, I guess $159 is a small price to pay to rid myself of the tramp! Maybe now with all the stress gone and all the money Ill be saving with the hoochie gone, I can concentrate on the more important things in life =D