Friday, July 15, 2005

Todays Rants

Well as you can see by my new pic I cut my hair and now Im wondering how sorry Ill be about it in a few days. It was finally all one length again but its hard to get anything done with over a foot long "bangs" falling in your face all the time so I decided to cut them off, Eeek!

I have still been on and off trying to figure out how to get more information on the US customs department. For anyone who doesnt know, my boyfriend was denied entry to the US from Canada because they ASSUMED for some odd reason that he was going to attempt to stay here illegally. Hes been here twice already so Im not sure why they thought he was going to stay this time. We were waiting on buying his return ticket until September when he was actually going back. US customs told him that was a big part of the problem. So while he stayed in Windsor overnight, I got him a return ticket and he returned to cutsoms with proof that he had it the next day. Well that REALLY ticked them off. They said if he returned again without this long list of crap, they will ban him from the US for 5 YEARS??!! Gimmie a break. If they would have given him that list of things he didnt have on him in the first place, he would not even attempted to make it through the second day. Im not exactly trying to be un-patriotic here. I have had a brother in law spend too much time in Iraq for all that. But honestly, it makes me realize what others must think of the US. If I didnt live here and went through something like that with customs, I would hate this country too. Maybe its time to move >.<
On the upside I finally figured out how to put a tagboard on my sidebar =) Tag me if ya like!

Doing a bit of Maintenance

Please exuse the look of my sidebar for a bit, doing a little of work (thanks to Stan for telling me how to make new sections =D)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Owww my HEAD!

All I can say is waaay waaay too much vodka last night. Yeesh! Someone remind me not to do that again. Ok, light from the monitor is piercing my already throbbing head =P Took a nerd test earlier, not sure if I did good or bad.....
I am nerdier than 45% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Another night, maybe I can really do this....

I am about to spend another night alone, I know to some that seems no strange feat. I have panic attacks and therefore usually have someone "stand-by" in the same room with me. My ex has finally manipulated this into believing I still want to sleep with him. Im not going to say that I havent, but it was always because of my fear of being alone, and he knows it.
I am 31 years old, and have never had a place of my own. I was always with roomates or boyfriends or on the street. I have never had a place that was just pure and simply, MINE. And to this day, the whole idea of it scares the chit out of me. In my youth I strived to be so independent. I was going to conquer the world. Now I am but a shadow of that person. Will I keep shrinking with age until there is nothing left? Am I always the bad guy? My friends have slept with my player husband and all of them make ME feel guilty that I dont trust them or want to be friends with them anymore. I keep hoping this is all a bad dream. I had dreams like this before. When I woke up, my family was still in tact, my husband still loved me, and everything was alright. Is this nightmare ever going to end?
I moved a girl in with me that said she was desperate. Her mom was doing crack and she needed to get the heck out of her place. I didnt "know her"-know her but we had been talking online for a good year. Within a week after she gets here shes sleeping with my husband. Now honestly, I was falling for someone else and he had messed around at this point. Why does no one understand that its different, me messing with an occasional stranger(by stranger here I mean not a friend or his or a coworker-stranger to HIM, I have never had a one night stand), than a FRIEND in my house that he is screwing around with. #1 she is supposedly my friend and shouldnt go for my x in the first place if she gave a crap about me. #2 he should not go for said friend as he knew and Im sure his only motive was to hurt me.(haha joke is on him, he had already hurt me so much that the emotional endorphins were kicking in and I was a bit numb).
So here I am now. My supposed best friend, that has lied to me twice about sleeping with the ex. My ex, that I dont think has ever told a truthful word in his entire life. Me- a bit emotionless while I have met a guy that may damn well be my future, but I cant do this now.....
What do you do when everyone you know betrays you? Im sure this happened to me and possibly everyone in grade school, I just forgot how to deal with it ...

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

QOTD(Question of the day)

Is it really sad that some guy stumbled upon my blog on accident and I have been carrying on a convo with him via blog comments the last 2 hours? Is this a sign I need to get out more? ROFL!


The first bit of good news I have had in quite a while!!!! My friend should be getting out of Prison tomorrow now that he has found a place to stay and call home. If you should ever read this blog entry, you know who you are and welcome back to civilization my semi-self-adopted-big-bro. I have missed you bunches. Hugs and Kisses from you self-adopted-lil-sis! <3

Lies, lies and more lies

Ok sometimes I wonder if my ex is just a liar and that great a manipulator or just has some split personality disorder. (Thanks to <3shoin<3 for pointing that out this morning) 12 hours earlier hes screaming at me for goofy chit and now he wants to be best friends again. What the hell is up with this guy? He never did call a psychiatrist or a councelor as promised that he would aproximately a week ago. Honestly sometimes this guy scares the hell outta me. Perhaps I should post his pic so all girls that see him coming can RUN like hell in another direction? Or would that be considered bitter and jaded? *smirks to self*

Well, BLAH

Ha, funny I thought at this point Id have something interesting to say but as it seems I wasted all of my writing skills on my about me section. Knowing myself Ill probably never write in this thing again but who the hell knows. 5am need to sleep before another panic attack hits......nighty night blogville.